Food Wars: Banana vs. Donut
A few years ago, Chiquita Banana ran a campaign stating that bananas were, and I quote "Quite Possibly, The World's Perfect Food." I've always found this statement to be grammatically frustrating- shouldn't there be a "most" before "perfect?"
That aside, is the banana the finest food we have? I ponder this often as I enjoy a banana for breakfast on many days.
I finished my banana today and walked to the other side of the floor, and they had food for the taking. Not just any food. Donuts. And to my delight, a jelly donut was among them.
As I walked back to my desk, the sugar of the jelly donut glistening in the morning light, I wondered this: could this be the World's [Most] Perfect Food?
Let the battle begin! For purposes of comparison, a jelly donut (raspberry, from Dunkin Donuts) was used against a common, household, yellow banana.
Taste: A banana is pleasing on the taste buds, but a donut is a donut. It's even more delightful crammed full of jelly, which this one was.
Winner: Donut
Good for you: A donut will raise your spirits and your energy level, but a banana will pump you full of potassium, vitamins and all that other stuff you're supposed to put in your body on a regular basis. Plus, I think if you eat enough of them, you get night vision.
Winner: Banana
Coolness Factor: Eating right is a great idea, more people should be concerned with their diets, Americans are overweight. That being said, proper diet has never been, and will never be, cool.
Winner: Donut
Best to Eat During a Stake-out: An undercover cop must be extra careful not to stereotype himself. And you have to be ready to jump out of your car to nab a perp.
Winner: Banana
Best to Use in a Song about Former Major League Pitcher Frank Tanana: Hey, songs have been written about crazier subjects...
Winner: Banana
Use in Slang: "Top Banana" is all well and good, but it's no "Dollars to Donuts"
Winner: Donut
Clean-Up: A banana leaves behind a slippery and potentially dangerous peel. A donut leaves only jelly and sugar on your fingers, both of which, I discovered, can be licked off in the privacy of your own office.
Winner: Donut
Intangibles: Bananas are associated with monkeys. Jelly Donuts have jelly in them.
Winner: Monkeys are cool, but even they aren't filled with jelly. Donut.
THE WINNER IS: Donut.
Banana, I love ya, but you were out of your league here, and I think we both knew it from the start. I will probably eat you more often, but realize this: you will never be a jelly donut.
Donut- I'll see you at the victory party. Invite 11 of your friends.
That aside, is the banana the finest food we have? I ponder this often as I enjoy a banana for breakfast on many days.
I finished my banana today and walked to the other side of the floor, and they had food for the taking. Not just any food. Donuts. And to my delight, a jelly donut was among them.
As I walked back to my desk, the sugar of the jelly donut glistening in the morning light, I wondered this: could this be the World's [Most] Perfect Food?
Let the battle begin! For purposes of comparison, a jelly donut (raspberry, from Dunkin Donuts) was used against a common, household, yellow banana.
Taste: A banana is pleasing on the taste buds, but a donut is a donut. It's even more delightful crammed full of jelly, which this one was.
Winner: Donut
Good for you: A donut will raise your spirits and your energy level, but a banana will pump you full of potassium, vitamins and all that other stuff you're supposed to put in your body on a regular basis. Plus, I think if you eat enough of them, you get night vision.
Winner: Banana
Coolness Factor: Eating right is a great idea, more people should be concerned with their diets, Americans are overweight. That being said, proper diet has never been, and will never be, cool.
Winner: Donut
Best to Eat During a Stake-out: An undercover cop must be extra careful not to stereotype himself. And you have to be ready to jump out of your car to nab a perp.
Winner: Banana
Best to Use in a Song about Former Major League Pitcher Frank Tanana: Hey, songs have been written about crazier subjects...
Winner: Banana
Use in Slang: "Top Banana" is all well and good, but it's no "Dollars to Donuts"
Winner: Donut
Clean-Up: A banana leaves behind a slippery and potentially dangerous peel. A donut leaves only jelly and sugar on your fingers, both of which, I discovered, can be licked off in the privacy of your own office.
Winner: Donut
Intangibles: Bananas are associated with monkeys. Jelly Donuts have jelly in them.
Winner: Monkeys are cool, but even they aren't filled with jelly. Donut.
THE WINNER IS: Donut.
Banana, I love ya, but you were out of your league here, and I think we both knew it from the start. I will probably eat you more often, but realize this: you will never be a jelly donut.
Donut- I'll see you at the victory party. Invite 11 of your friends.
5 Comments:
Shouldn't donut invite 12 of his friends, I mean, we are talking baker's dozen here no?
You know the high class donut places I go to- Dunkin', Krispy Kreme, and perhaps someday, Doctor Donut. Their dozens are 12 strong, no need to sweeten the pot any further...
I can't wait for the Grapes vs Funyuns comparison.
-petev
an interesting camparison i pondered while reading was the fact that bannanas are very phallic in contour while donuts, on the other hand, are traditionally vaginal... hmmm... could it be that were designed for more than the mere singality of themselves???? must... create... bannana... filled... super... donut...
Hmmm, "traditionally vaginal" is not a phrase I'd expect to see in the comments on my blog, but there it is. You gave me a good chuckle, Jev.
If I were wealthy enough to give out research grants, your banana-donut experiments would certainly merit a chunk of my change...
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